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September 18, 2026. Blog Entry 05


Well, it's been a while. Just over a month now since I wrote on this blog, but I'm pleased to give everyone a brand new update regarding my life. As for my TF2 competitive team, we won the tournament in a wash. We decimated the competition, only losing two rounds in the ENTIRE tournament. Pretty fucking rad.

On the 8th, my school started back up and I have a newfound appreciation for the school. I've been applying for colleges left and right, 14 colleges applied as of yesterday. Funnily enough, I got accepted to one immediately, however, instead of being for the Fall of 2027 season, it was the Fall of 2026 season. That was pretty funny, I suppose. I have also gotten a regained self-confidence I haven't had since about I wanna say February 2024. I feel the happiest I've been in ages, and nothing can stop me now. The future is bright for me, and I am so pumped for what is to come.

As for the Sparky stuff, I decided to dump it for now because I didn't want the added stresses of a show while trying to get my life back together. I don't need that right now. The Cracker show made me an arguably worse person than I ever was before. But now that I'm back on top, I don't want to go back to my old ways. I've got a bright future ahead of me.

I've been watching a lot of old Jerma TF2 videos, and I think they're actually brainwashing me to becoming a happier person. I don't know, it's really weird. But something about Jerma radiates positivity to me, iunno. It's pretty funny. I feel a song coming on!

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
Ah-hah (Ah-hah), ah-hah (Ah-hah)
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
Ah-hah (Ah-hah), ah-hah (Ah-hah)
I'm on my way to what I want from this world
And years from now you'll make it to the next world
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you gave to me the day I wandered

I took a right, I took a right turning yesterday
Ah-hah (Ah-hah), ah-hah (Ah-hah), yeah
I took a right, I took a right turning yesterday
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I took the road that brought me to your home town
I took the bus to streets that I could walk down
I walked the streets to find the one I'd looked for
I climbed the stair that led me to your front door

And now that I don't want for anything (Ooh)
I'd have Al Jolson sing "I'm sitting on top of the world"

I'll do my best, I'll do my best to do the best I can
Ah-hah (Ah-hah), ah-hah (Ah-hah), yeah
I'll do my best, I'll do my best to do the best I can
Ah-hah, ah-hah, ah-hah, ah-hah
To keep my feet from jumping from the ground, dear
To keep my heart from jumping through my mouth, dear
To keep the past, the past and not the present
To try and learn when you teach me a lesson

And now that I don't want for anything (Ooh)
I'd have Al Jolson sing "I'm sitting on top of the world"

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
Ah-hah (Ah-hah), ah-hah (Ah-hah), yeah
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm on my way to what I want from this world
And years from now you'll make it to the next world
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you gave to me the day I wandered
I'm on my way to what I want from this world
And years from now you'll make it to the next world
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you gave to me the day I wandered

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way


August 13, 2026. Blog Entry 04


Welp. the drama's over. It's all over. Thank the lord! It was all because of one fucking person, causing the mess. I cut him off, and I have no interest in seeing him again. As for everything else, it's been going splendid.

I broke up with my ex on Sunday, and goodness, what a relief. I feel so free to do whatever now without having to be a prisoner of love.

Since then, I've reuinited with an old friend from a long, long time ago named Ellie (pictured right.) They're great! We both had a thing for each other back three years ago but we didn't tell each other out of shyness. But they're honestly really great. They write films, they shoot films, it's all fantastic.

On the topic of writing scripts and shit, I've decided I wanted to write a new show. What it'll be about is uncertain, but I have a talented group with me this time around. For example, May Wyberg, who shadow wrote a lot of former Mind Crackers episodes and laid the ground work for Melody's character (without any of us being any the wiser.) But he's great, too. Funny, cool guy.

The one thing I know about this new show is that it'll be revisiting an old idea I had since I was about 10 years old. Which was a vague reboot of an idea I had when I was 8. This character is very special to me, though it may not be to general audiences yet. I can't wait to try and make him, his world, and his friends a real thing. This has been years in the making.


His name is Sparky. He's this multiversal fed guy. He's pretty neat. I have this really strong idea in my head right now where he acts very similar to a southern gentlemen, a la Buster Scruggs. I'm really excited to attempt to flesh him out in the coming weeks. This show currently might've found a new artist, which is neat. Though, if communications might fall through, it might just go to me to draw the fucking thing which would suck. I also have my ex, Rita, working on character design and potentially also being an artist on the show. The show is currently aiming for an animatic style not too dissimilar to early Mind Crackers. We have a couple concepts for episodes, but not enough for characters, so we're kinda striving for some creative input there.

Oh yeah, his universe. Uhh, well, he lives in this futuristic city place that is kinda this abstract representaiton of the multiverse and people using the multiverse like a liminal space between places. It's pretty neat, I suppose, but I wouldn't reccommend looking too deep into it because I'm a moron who's beyond his depth in this sorta thing.

I got my TF2 coach yesterday. It's pretty fucking awesome, though I've missed both things lately because my sleep schedule has been fucked beyond repair. No amount of melatonin pills can fix the fact I'm writing this at 3:18 AM EST.


I need no shackles to remind me
I'm just a prisoner of love!

August 5, 2026. Blog Entry 03


I don't know how much more of this I can take.

All this drama surrounding not only me and my friends are causing me actual health issues. I can't bring myself to eat or sleep. Everytime I eat, I just feel disgusted and like I'm about to vomit it up. At night, I can't sleep because I'm paranoid something's about to happen. I dread getting notifications of any kind because what if one of them absolutely ruins my day/week/month/year?
Yesterday, it was about .pdfs of old Mind Crackers scripts that have been in my friend group for months, but suddenly became an issue. Then, behind my back, they tried to play a joke about it. You know who you are, and you aren't funny.

It contributes to an actual issue I've been experiencing non-stop since March. My paranoia is at an all-time high. I've got dark rings around my eyes, worse than ever before. I go to sleep at seven in the morning and wake up at five in the afternoon.

I don't have a social life. I don't have a job. I don't go anywhere. i don't leave my house.

Today was even worse. A close friend of mine did something abhorrent. I don't have the heart to do anything about it. I can't right now. It's all too much.

I don't know how much more of this I can take before I do something I'll regret. I can't because people rely on me, but what happens when I don't even have that? It horrifies me to think about. I'm in a dark pit, and I don't know if I'll spring back like I usually do. I got a taste of the good times yesterday evening. But now it'll be torn away, and it will probably never come back.

Am I even allowed to just have fun? Am I even allowed to just be myself? I feel as though I can't. I can't let my guard down or else bad things always happen. I'm constantly on edge. I don't know how much more of this I can take. And people think it's funny. You know who you are. But I'm suffering. If that's even a matter of concern, anymore.

In other lighthearted news, I was able to play my first couple matches of 6s in TF2. That was fun, it almost made me shed a tear because I fell back in love with the game, and I've made two new friends within the span of a day. Is it possible that things can look so bleak yet so light at the same time? I don't know. I don't want to think about that anymore.
In my heart it will remain.
My stardust melody,
The memory of love's refrain.

August 4, 2026. Blog Entry 02


NEW VIDEO ALERT! NEW VIDEO ALERT!



Big day. Or, at least, big implied day. Technically this has to do with Yesterday as well, but I decided that I wanted to try and actually (gasp) get better at my favorite game of all time???? Shocker, I know.

Anyhow, I made a TF2 clip dump video, and I had a lot of fun making it, actually. I think it's been the first thing I've been able to sit down and make in, shit I don't know, a few months? After that, I felt pretty hyped. I feel like I could take on the world! And that's what I'm doing!

So, I've decided to sign up with RGL.TF with their newbies 6s tournament. They have this sorta boot camp thing going on, so I may not be too active around my friend group. So, if you're wondering where I've gone in the future, that's where I went. They actually end their training program the day before my 19th birthday, which is neat.

I know this one's a little bit shorter than the rest, but it's just that nothing's been happening much lately.
Nevermind that thought, I just thought of something new to talk about:
FAKE ASS FRIENDS!
Yup. Gonna talk about it here and now. A few hours ago I put out a notification in my friend group that I was gonna prune them unless they DM'd me by 6PM this afternoon, my time. Here's why:

Back in 2024, it was awesome to be surrounded by people, even if they wouldn't show up. Nowadays, now that I'm a "washed up "celebrity"" all I wanna do now is be surrounded by true friends. The friends who will show up and laugh with me, cry with me, and everything in-between. But over the past few months, I haven't had that luxury. Hell, 99% of the time, I have NO incoming messages, and I'm always the one putting in effort into anything. Sure, sometimes talking to me feels like talking to a brick wall, but Jesus Fucking Christ dude nobody truly gets how alone I am, how alone I feel.

A man will starve to death surrounded by gold.

August 3, 2026. Blog Entry 01.


Well, here it is. The first blog entry of this blog. Or diary, depending on how I wanna look at it. My life is boring, so it'll probably not be updated that much. On Thursday, July 30, 2026, I witnessed the aftermath of a particularly horrific car accident. My father and I were on our way to the grocery store when we discovered that the road was blocked by a portly man with a handlebar moustache in an orange truck, holding a sign that said "DETOUR." Behind him, though, was no kidding at least 20 emergency vehicles piled up on the road in front of him. But, weirdly enough, no sirens.

After our detour, we eventually made it to the grocery store and it started raining. It's actually been raining a lot here in the area, I'm not really sure why. But it would rain on and off. When we walked out of the store, I saw a beautiful rainbow, the most vibrant rainbow I've ever seen in a long time. On the way home, we stopped for ice cream. My father got a banana split, and I got a vanilla milkshake and some mozzarella sticks. My mozarella sticks were somewhat cold in the center, unfortunately. After that, we were able to return onto the road where they had stopped us, and that's where our worst fears were confirmed.

Brutal car accident

There were tire marks lined up and down the road, and then they just stopped. You could see and smell the blood on the road, though they tried to cover it up with dirt, it still wasn't enough. It was morbid, it was sad, even without knowing the details. I knew there was more to the story, so I tried to remember to look it up on our local newspaper. Eventually, though, our fears came true.

The crash happened just after 8pm on the █████ ████ ██ ██████ ████████, just north of █████████ ████.
According to the State Police at ██████████, a █████████ ██████ driven by ██████ █████, 19, of ██████████, lost control in a left-hand corner and crossed the center line into the path of an oncoming tractor trailer.
The sedan was struck by the truck.
Five people — all teens or young adults — were in the ██████ at the time of the crash.
The front-right passenger, identified by troopers as ██████████ █████, 18, of ██████████, was pronounced dead at the scene.
Three others had serious injuries, including █████, a 17-year-old boy, and a 16-year-old boy, all from ██████████e. A 14-year-old boy from ████ ██████ had minor injuries, troopers said.


After I had looked up the details, I just couldn't shake the feeling of sadness. The one killed was the same age as me, and it really put it into perspective how small my troubles really were. After that, I've been struggling to try and change my perspective on things, but it gets harder and harder every day.

What a hell of a way to go out.